A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Muslim are sitting in a train.
The Russian takes a bottle of vodka out of his bag, takes a couple of swigs and throws the bottle out the window, saying in a low growl “there’s LOTS of that where I come from.”
The Cuban takes a box of cigars from his bag, lights one, takes a couple of puffs and throws the box out the window, saying “there’s LOTS of those where I come from.”
The Englishman picks up the Muslim, slings him over his shoulder, opens the carriage door and throws him out, saying “there’s LOTS of those where I come from…….”
Ok, another joke now…… A Muslim dies and (surprise, surprise) finds himself in Hell. The devil is having a quiet day and says “ok, I will show you three kinds of punishment – you can take you pick as to which one you want”.
They wander along a corridor and the devil opens the first door. They look in and there’s a guy chained to the wall, being whipped by two *massive* demons. The Muslim says “um, no… what else is there?” The devil says “no problem – let’s see the next room”. They wander along, he opens the door and the room is filled with people roasting in a massive fire, screaming away. The Muslim says “nah, I don’t like that either”.
“OK”, says the devil. You MUST now have the punishment in the next room. They wander along, the devil opens the door, and they see Claudia Schiffer being humped by an old guy while ten demons watch.
The Muslim’s eyes light up and his jaw drops to the ground – “woohoo! This looks great!”
The devil smiles and wanders over to the demons and says “ok, guys. Give this guy the same punishment we gave Claudia Schiffer….. ”
Another one since I’m on a roll….. An Arab goes to the market to buy a camel. He spots a stunning one, light creamy colour and placid nature. He goes up to the owner and asks (Arab accent) “This camel, it is for sale, yes?”
“Yes, he is, and the price is 3000 riyals. I should tell you though that he knows only three commands. To make him walk, you say “Salaam”. To make him run, you say “Praise Allah” and to make him stop, you say “Allahu akbar”. ” “Fine – I am truly blessed by Allah to have such a beast! Here is your money.”
The guy takes the camel and says to it “Salaam”. Sure enough, the camel goes into a gentle walk. After 10 minutes of this, the guy thinks “let’s see what this thing can do” “Praise Allah!”
The camel breaks into a run – a FAST run. Suddenly, the guy sees that there is a cliff about 300 yards away and in his panic, he has forgotten the “stop” command. He screams and screams until 50 yards from the edge, he remembers – “Allahu akbar!”
The camel slides to a stop about two yards before the edge. Shaking with fear, the guy collapses on top of the camel, blubbering away, raises his face to the sky and says “Praise Allah…..”
The Russian takes a bottle of vodka out of his bag, takes a couple of swigs and throws the bottle out the window, saying in a low growl “there’s LOTS of that where I come from.”
The Cuban takes a box of cigars from his bag, lights one, takes a couple of puffs and throws the box out the window, saying “there’s LOTS of those where I come from.”
The Englishman picks up the Muslim, slings him over his shoulder, opens the carriage door and throws him out, saying “there’s LOTS of those where I come from…….”
A Muslim dies and (surprise, surprise) finds himself in Hell.
The devil is having a quiet day and says “ok, I will show you three kinds of punishment – you can take you pick as to which one you want”.
They wander along a corridor and the devil opens the first door. They look in and there’s a guy chained to the wall, being whipped by two *massive* demons.
The Muslim says “um, no… what else is there?”
The devil says “no problem – let’s see the next room”.
They wander along, he opens the door and the room is filled with people roasting in a massive fire, screaming away.
The Muslim says “nah, I don’t like that either”.
“OK”, says the devil. You MUST now have the punishment in the next room. They wander along, the devil opens the door, and they see Claudia Schiffer being humped by an old guy while ten demons watch.
The Muslim’s eyes light up and his jaw drops to the ground – “woohoo! This looks great!”
The devil smiles and wanders over to the demons and says “ok, guys. Give this guy the same punishment we gave Claudia Schiffer….. ”
An Arab goes to the market to buy a camel. He spots a stunning one, light creamy colour and placid nature.
He goes up to the owner and asks (Arab accent) “This camel, it is for sale, yes?”
“Yes, he is, and the price is 3000 riyals. I should tell you though that he knows only three commands. To make him walk, you say “Salaam”. To make him run, you say “Praise Allah” and to make him stop, you say “Allahu akbar”. ”
“Fine – I am truly blessed by Allah to have such a beast! Here is your money.”
The guy takes the camel and says to it “Salaam”. Sure enough, the camel goes into a gentle walk. After 10 minutes of this, the guy thinks “let’s see what this thing can do” “Praise Allah!”
The camel breaks into a run – a FAST run. Suddenly, the guy sees that there is a cliff about 300 yards away and in his panic, he has forgotten the “stop” command. He screams and screams until 50 yards from the edge, he remembers – “Allahu akbar!”
The camel slides to a stop about two yards before the edge.
Shaking with fear, the guy collapses on top of the camel, blubbering away, raises his face to the sky and says “Praise Allah…..”